What I've Done
by Kimmi2010
Summary: Oneshot set to the song "What I've Done" by Linkin Park. Dean's life story ranging from family conflicts to the crossroads deal he made to save Sam. However, there are bad sides to what he's done.


**Another oneshot/songfic. I wrote this before the season three finale. Bits and pieces of different episodes are part of the story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural, or the song "What I've Done."**

_In this farewell_

_There's no blood_

_There's no alibi_

_Cause I've drawn regret_

_For the truth_

_Of a thousand lies_

Dean Winchester is a mass murderer and a hero. He doesn't kill people, instead he slaughters the vile creatures that people assumed only existed in their dark nightmares. Those inhuman beings are around, alright, just around the shadowy corner. Wherever these cold blooded things are, Dean won't be too far behind.

Ever since the demonic death of his mother, he has been educated on what real evils lurk in the real world. John, his father, forced him to become a man and a soldier too early in his life. Perhaps because of that he has lived this long since evil is always on his and his younger brother's tail.

"Saving people, hunting things. The family business," Dean has said countless times. He seems to live by that phrase, his motto, although darker thoughts reside within him.

Whenever he's out on the hunt, like a precarious lion prowling after his prey, the blood of an impulsive killer rushes through his veins. He knows that a delayed reaction could result in his own death instead of the creature's.

"Hey! You want some white meat, bitch?! I'm right here!" He called into the dark confines, waiting for the predatory Wendigo to emerge. His tactics may be reckless at times, but he has the required skill to back it up.

Once the cannibalistic creature came forth it gave an ear piercing roar, its battle cry and dinner bell. Dean didn't recoil, however, instead he shot the Wendigo with a flare gun. He watched as the creature groaned in agony as the fierce fire engulfed it. The light from the flickering flames played on his face, giving the hunter a sinister appearance. It abruptly vanished as a victorious grin came to his lips.

Pretty much, Dean isn't afraid to go after anything. He's shot spirits at point blank range, sent demons back to hell, and beheaded vampires. He doesn't even flinch when the vampire's crimson blood splashes on his rugged face. Yet at the end of the long day, or night, he always has a sarcastic joke and a signature smirk.

_So let mercy come_

_And wash away_

_What I've done_

"You've always known what you want," Dean said to his younger brother. "And you go after it. You stand up to dad and you always have. Hell, I wish I- anyway… I admire that about you. I'm proud of you, Sammy."

"I don't even know what to say," Sam replied.

"Say you'll take care of yourself."

Dean has always taken care of his little brother, Sam. Sam is the only blood family he has left. Just like normal brothers they talk about their favorite things and joke around with each other. Most importantly, they watch each other's back.

"You know," Sam started, "you don't always have to keep saving me. I am capable of helping myself."

"True, but it's part of the job. Along with being an ass and annoying the crap outta you. The list goes on and on," Dean said.

Sam laughed. Dean had every one of those goals down perfectly.

On the other hand, there are times when they hate one another. When Sam was possessed he let all the harsh words towards Dean flow out, but is there the slight chance he could feel that way towards his older brother? Even after everything Dean has done for him?

_I've faced myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done_

In all the years Dean has hunted surely the cheeky man would have developed a darker side. Maybe he keeps it well-hidden, that way his life wouldn't alter more than necessary.

Once, a shapeshifter temporarily stole his identity, it also downloaded his thoughts and memories.

"See, deep down, I'm just jealous," the false Dean ranted. "You got friends, you could have a life. Me? I know I'm a freak and sooner or later everyone's going to leave me."

Is it possible the rant held an ounce of truth?

_Put to rest_

_What you thought of me_

_Well I cleaned this slate_

_With the hands of uncertainty_

Being raised by an ex-army ranger and newly supernatural hunter can lead to a hard life. Dean always done whatever it was his father asked him, and didn't object to the task.

"I don't understand the blind faith you have in the man," Sam said to Dean. "I mean, it's like you don't even question him."

"Yeah, it's called being a good son!" Dean sternly countered.

Although Dean held a lot of respect and care for the man he also felt anger towards him.

Before the Yellow Eyed Demon took John's soul, John had a secret message for Dean.

"If you can't save Sam, you-you'll have to kill him. It's for the best, believe me."

Dean stared at his father in utter disbelief. Later, he came to realize his father's dying request was to protect innocent people at any and all costs. Even if the price is the spilled blood of family.

_What the hell was he thinking?!_ He thought. _You can't dump something like that on your kids! I've been looking out for Sammy since he was baby, I more or less pulled him out of that house fire! Now dad says I might have to kill him? Kill my own brother?_

His true feelings about dear ole dad were revealed when he trapped himself in his own dream world where he came face to face with his worst nightmare.

Himself.

The Dream Dean knew everything about him for he was him. "You're as mindless and obedient as an attack dog."

"That's not true," the authentic Dean interrupted.

"No? What are the things you want? What are the things you dream of? Your car? That's dad's. Your favorite leather jacket? Dad's. Your music? Dad's. Do you even have an original thought? All there is, is watch out for Sammy! Look out for your little brother, boy! You can still hear you dad's voice in your head, clear as a bell."

Dean was becoming greatly upset, and it was apparent by the scowl on his face. "Just shut up."

"I mean, think about it," the dream form continued. "All he ever did was train you, boss you around. But Sam, Sam he doted on. Sam he loved."

"I mean it, I'm getting angry." By Dean's menacing tone it was clearly a threat.

Dream Dean completely disregarded the warning. "Dad knew who you really were. A good little soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died, who should you?"

Finally, Dean's rage snapped and he violently shoved the dream form against the wall. He continuously punches him and yells. "You son of a bitch! My father was an obsessed bastard! All that crap he dumped on me about protecting Sam? That was his crap! He's the one who couldn't protect his family! He's the one who let Mom die! Who wasn't there for Sam! I always was! I didn't deserve what he put on me!"

_So let mercy come_

_And wash away_

_What I've done_

Dean was greatly saddened when Sam was killed. He lost his only family and failed the responsibility he had taken on as a child. There was only one option left and it came at a hefty price.

The ritual for summoning a Crossroads Demon was childlike easy, and all he had to do now was wait. Once she appeared her eyes were glowing red and a triumphant smirk was plastered on her face.

"Dean Winchester," she stated, "what can I do for you?"

"It's my brother."

"That's right, Sammy is dead and gone. And you haven't the decency to give him a proper burial. He's just going to rot away in a friend's home. I'm sure that will be good for his mortgage."

"Listen, you gotta bring him back, then after ten years my soul is yours."

She shook her head. "Sorry, but no go."

"Eight years."

"You're the one who said what's dead should stay dead."

Dean was becoming desperate. "Five years."

"That's still not a bargain."

"What the hell do you want then?!"

"Here's the deal, I'll bring back Sam and I'll give you one year."

"What?"

"You heard me. One year, twelve months, fifty-two weeks, three hundred sixty-five days."

After a few moments of hesitation he finally agreed. With a kiss the deal was sealed.

_I've faced myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself_

_And let go of what I've done_

Dean was doomed to go to hell unless Sam finds a way to save him. He would soon learn what other fate would be waiting for him in the blazing underworld.

Ruby, a demon fighting on the side of humanity, foretold Dean how demons came to be. Demons were born from people who end up in hell. Slowly and painfully their humanity is burned away. It may take centuries, but it will eventually happen to him. He will become one of the vile creatures he once hunted.

Another event that took place in his dream world was the realization that he, of all people, doesn't deserve to die and suffer that terrible consequence.

While beating the life out of the Dream Dean he exclaimed, "And I don't deserve to go to hell!" Then, he snatched the shotgun and shot his arch self twice.

He carefully approached the dead configuration. Unexpectedly, Dream Dean's eyes abruptly open and he sits forward with blood sprayed upon his face. His eyes were pitch demonic black.

"You can't escape me, Dean!" He exclaimed. "And this? This is what you're gonna become!"

_For what I've done_

_I'll start again_

_And whatever pain may come_

_Today this ends_

_I'm forgiving what I've done_

Back in reality, Dean confessed his fears to Sam. "I don't want to die, and I don't want to go to hell."

"Ok," Sam replied, "we'll find a way to stop it."

Dean thought to himself, _I hope so. The last thing I want is to end up a demon. But what if it's too little too late?_

_I've faced myself_

_To cross out what I've become_

_Erase myself _

_And let go of what I've done_

_What I've done_

_Forgiving what I've done_

**Hope ya'll enjoyed it! Reviews are greatly appreciated!**


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